For my own amusement

For my own amusement I’m listing the Chuck Norris facts you find everywhere…

• Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

• Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

• Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

• There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.

• Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate an Indian.

• If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can’t see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

• Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

• When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

• Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck Norris met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK’s head exploded out of sheer amazement.

• Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost

• Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never.

• Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.

• Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that’s why there are no signs of life there.

• They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn’t take shit from anybody.

• A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris’ shoe. Chuck replied, “Don’t you know who I am? I’m Chuck Norris!” The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.

• Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.

• Outer space exists because it’s afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

• Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

• There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.

• In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.