How to shower like a woman / man

How to shower like a woman

• Take off all your clothes and place it in a sectioned laundry hamper according to lights, darks, whites, man made or natural.
• Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If husband seen along the way cover up any exposed flesh and rush to the bathroom.
• Look at womanly physique in the mirror and stick out belly.
• Complain and whine about getting fat.
• Get into shower.
• Look for facecloth, arm cloth, loin cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
• Wash hair once with Tea Tree shampoo with 83 added vitamins.
• Wash hair again with Tea Tree shampoo with 83 added vitamins.
• Condition hair with Tea Tree conditioner with enhanced sunflower oil. Leave on hair for 15 minutes.
• Wash face with crushed pineapple papaya facial scrub for ten minutes until red raw.
• Wash entire rest of body with Yogurt body wash.
• Rinse conditioner off hair taking at least 15 minutes to make sure that it’s all come off.
• Shave armpits and legs. Consider shaving bikini area but decide to get it waxed instead.
• Scream loudly when husband flushes toilet and water loses pressure and turns red hot.
• Turn off shower.
• Squeegee all wet surfaces in shower.
• Spray mould spots with Tilex.
• Get out of shower.
• Dry with towel the size of small Latin country.
• Wrap hair in super absorbent second towel.
• Check entire body for remotest sign of spots. Attack with nails/tweezers if found.
• Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If husband seen, cover up any exposed areas and then rush to bedroom to spend hour and a half getting dressed.

How to shower like a man

• Take off clothes while sitting on bed and leave them in a pile.
• Walk naked to bathroom. If wife seen, shake knob at her making the “Woo” sound.
• Look at manly physique in mirror and suck in gut to see if you have pecs.
• Admire size of knob in mirror, scratch privates and smell fingers for one last whiff.
• Get in shower.
• Don’t bother to look for wash cloth – don’t use one.
• Wash armpits.
• Wash privates and the surrounding area.
• Crack up at how loud farts sound in the shower.
• Wash butt, leaving hair on soap.
• NOW !!! Wash face.
• Shampoo hair but do not use conditioner.
• Make shampoo Mohawk. Pull back curtain to see self in mirror.
• Pee (in shower).
• Rinse off and get out of shower.
• Fail to notice water on floor because shower curtain outside bath for whole shower time.
• Partially dry off.
• Look at self in mirror again, flex muscles and admire size of knob (again).
• Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on floor.
• Leave bathroom light and fan on.
• Return to bedroom with towel around waist