Random Pic: Mailbox
Category: z’Old Funny Crap
New Fiancée
Mary Parker brings home her fiancée Kyle to meet her parents. After dinner, her mother tells her father to find out about Kyle. The father invites the fiancée to his study for a drink. “So what are your plans?” the father asks Kyle.
“I am a Torah scholar.” he replies. “A Torah scholar. Hmmm,” the father says. “Admirable, but what will you do to provide a nice house for my daughter to live in, as she’s accustomed to?” “I will study,” Kyle replies, “and God will provide for us.” “And how will you buy her a beautiful engagement ring, such as she deserves?” asks the father. “I will concentrate on my studies,” Kyle replies, “God will provide for us.” “And children?” asks the father. “How will you support children?” “Don’t worry, sir, God will provide,” replies the fiancée.
The conversation proceeds like this, and each time the father questions, the young idealist insists that God will provide. Later, the mother asks, “How did it go, Honey?” The father answers, “He has no job and no plans, but the good news is he thinks I’m God.”
Old Man Jenkins
One night, at the lodge of a hunting club, two new members were being introduced to other members and shown around. The man leading them around said, “See that old man asleep in the chair by the fireplace? That is Old Man Jenkins, he is our oldest member and can tell you some hunting stories you’ll never forget.”
They awakened Old Man Jenkins and asked him to tell them a hunting story. “Well, I remember back in 1944, we went on a lion hunting exposition in Africa. We were on foot and hunted for three days without seeing a thing. On the fourth day, I was so tired I had to rest my feet. I found a fallen tree, so I laid my gun down, propped my head on the tree, and fell asleep.
I don’t know how long I was asleep when I was awakened by a noise in the bushes. I was reaching for my gun when the biggest lion I ever seen jumped out of the bushes at me like this, and I heard… ROOOAAAAARRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!…….I tell you, I just shit my pants.” The young men looked astonished and one of them said, “I don’t blame you, I would have shit my pants too if a lion jumped out at me.” Old Man Jenkins shook his head and said, “No, no, not then, just now when I said ROOOAAAAARRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!
