Category: z’Old Funny Crap

Top 10 Cheesiest Pick Up Lines

1. “If I were to rearrange the alphabet I would put U and I together”

2. “Hi, I’m Mr. Right. Someone said you were looking for me.”

3. “You know what? Your eyes are the same color as my Porsche.”

4. “Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?”

5. “Here’s 10 cents – go phone your mom and tell her you won’t be coming home tonight”

6. “You’re under arrest. The charge – trespassing in my dreams”

7. “Your dad must be a thief because he stole the stars and put them in your eyes”

8. “You must be tired because you’ve been running through my mind all day”

9. “If I said you had a beautiful body would you hold it against me?”

10. “Do you have a map? Because I keep getting lost in your eyes”

Random Photo: Iron

Charles Ray and his talking clock

Charles Ray was proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his friends late one night.

He led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong and a mallet.

“What’s with that big brass gong?” his friend Kevin asked.

“It’s not a gong. It’s a talking clock”, Charles Ray replied.

“A talking clock? Seriously?” asked his astonished friend.

“Yup”, replied Charles Ray.

“How’s it work?” Kevin asked.

“Watch”, the Charles Ray. He picked up the mallet, gave the gong an ear-shattering pound, and stepped back. The three stood looking at one another for a moment.

Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed, “You asshole! It’s two-thirty in the morning!”

Random Funny Picture: Stuck

Dan decided to propose

Dan decided to propose to Patricia Martinez, but prior to her acceptance Patricia had to confess to her man about her childhood illness.

She informed Dan that she suffered a disease that left her breasts at the maturity of a 12 year old. He stated that it was OK because he loved her soooo much.

However, Dan felt this was also the time for him to open up and admit that he also had a deformity too. Dan looked Patricia in the eyes and said….”I too have a problem. My penis is the same size as an infant and I hope you could deal with that once we are married

She said, “Yes I will marry you and learn to live with your infant size penis.” Patricia and Dan got married and they could not wait for the Honeymoon. Dan whisked Patricia off to their hotel suite and they started touching, teasing, holding one another…

As Patricia put her hands in Dan’s pants, she began to scream and ran out of the room! Dan ran after her to find out what was wrong. She said, “You told me your penis was the size of an infant!” “Yes, it is….. 8 pounds, 7 ounces, 19 inches long!!”