Richard Jeni Quote
I always look for a woman who has a tattoo. I see a woman with a tattoo, and I’m thinking, okay, here’s a gal who’s capable of making a decision she’ll regret in the future. (Richard Jeni)
Category: z’Old Funny Crap
Jeff and Mark at the bar
Jeff Turner and Mark Lewis are in a bar getting drunk. Suddenly Jeff throws up all over himself.
He says “Oh, no. Now my wife will kill me”.
Mark says “Don’t worry. Just tuck a twenty dollar bill in your chest pocket and tell your wife that someone threw up on you and gave you twenty dollars for the dry cleaning bill”.
So they stay for another couple of hours and get even drunker.
Eventually Jeff reels home and his wife starts to give him a bad time.
“You reek of alcohol and you’ve thrown up all over yourself, my God you’re disgusting” etc.
Speaking very carefully so as not to slur, Jeff says, “Wait. It’s not what you think. I only had one drink, but this threw up on me. He’d obviously had too many, or else he just couldn’t hold his liquor. He was very sorry and he gave me twenty dollars for the cleaning bill. Look in my chest pocket.”
She looks in his breast pocket and says, “But this is forty dollars”.
“Ah, yes.” he said. “He pee’d in my pants too”.