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Category: z’Old Funny Crap
Drunk Driving
From the county where drunk driving is considered a sport, comes this true story. Recently a routine police patrol parked outside a bar in Austin,Texas. After last call the Officer Simmons noticed a man leaving the bar so apparently intoxicated that he could barely walk. The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, with Officer Simmons quietly observing.
After what seemed an eternity in which he tried his keys on five different vehicles,the man managed to find his car and fall into it. He sat there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off.
Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off (it was a fine, dry summer night), flicked the blinkers on and off a couple of times, honked the horn and then switched on the lights.
He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little and then remained still for a few more minutes as some more of the other patrons’ vehicles left. At last, when his was the only car left in the parking lot, he pulled out and drove slowly down the road.
Officer Simmons, having waited patiently all this time, now started up his patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over and administered a breathalyzer test. To his amazement, the breathalyzer indicated no evidence that the man had consumed any alcohol at all! Dumbfounded, the officer said, “I’ll have to ask you to accompany me to the police station. This breathalyzer equipment must be broken.”
“I doubt it,” said the truly proud Redneck. “Tonight, I’m the designated decoy.”
Jon Stewart Quote
I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land. (Jon Stewart)
