WTF ??????
Disturbing Video…
Category: z’Old Funny Crap
Kids….
A few years ago, I returned home from a trip just when a storm hit, with crashing thunder and lightning. As I came into my bedroom about 2 a.m., I found my two kids in bed with my wife, Jules, apparently scared by the loud storm. I resigned myself to sleeping in the guest bedroom that night.
The next day, I talked to the children, and explained that it was O.K. to sleep with Mom when the storm was bad, but when I was expected home, please don’t sleep with Mom that night. They said O.K.
After my next trip several weeks later, Jules and the children picked me up in the terminal at the appointed time. Since the plane was late, everyone had come into the terminal to wait for my plane’s arrival, along with hundreds of other folks waiting for their arriving passengers. As I entered the waiting area, my son saw me, and came running shouting,
“Hi, Dad! I’ve got some good news!” As I waved back, I said loudly, “What is the good news?”
“The good news is that nobody slept with Mommy while you were away this time!” Alex shouted. The airport became very quiet, as everyone in the waiting area looked at Alex, then turned to me, and then searched the rest of the area to see if they could figure out exactly who his Mom was.
Paul and the Pearly Gates
Paul Carter home from a business convention very drunk one night. He slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and immediately fell into a deep, deep slumber. After a while he awoke in front of the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter said: “I’m sorry to have to tell you this Paul, but you died in your sleep.”
Paul was devastated, and begged for a second chance, pleading that he had a young wife and baby and couldn’t bear to be parted from them. St Peter looked sympathetic but shook his head: “It can’t be done Paul. The only opening I’ve got in the next 100 years near your family is as a chicken on the local farm.”
Paul readily agreed to this and the next thing he knew, he was in a yard, covered in feathers and clucking as he pecked the ground. Suddenly he had a strange feeling inside him and he called out to the nearest chicken to him: “What’s happening? It feels like I’m going to explode!”
“Don’t worry dear, you’re only ovulating,” said the other chicken. “Haven’t you laid an egg before?”
Paul replied that he hadn’t.
“Well just relax and let it happen,” said the other chicken. “It really is no big deal.”
Paul relaxed, and a few rather uncomfortable seconds later out popped a beautiful new egg. Paul was overcome with emotion as he experienced motherhood and within seconds his second egg slid out, much more smoothly than the first.
As he was about to lay his third egg, he felt a smack on the back of his head, and heard his wife shout: “Dammit Paul, wake up. You’re shitting in the bed!”