Celebrity Jeopardy
Sean Connery, French Stewart, and Burt Reynolds in Saturday Night Live Celebrity Jeopardy…
Category: z’Old Funny Crap
Pet Rabbit
This guy named Tim comes home from work one day to find his dog with the neighbor’s pet rabbit in his mouth. The rabbit is very dead and the guy panics.
Tim thinks the neighbors are going to hate him forever, so he takes the dirty, chewed-up rabbit into the house, gives it a bath, blow-dries its fur, and puts the rabbit back into the cage at the neighbor’s house, hoping that they will think it died of natural causes.
A few days later, the neighbor is outside and asks Tim, “Did you hear that Fluffy died?”
Tim stumbles around and says, “Ummm.. no.. no.. um.. what happened?”
The neighbor replies, “We just found him dead in his cage one day, but the weird thing is that the day after we buried him we went outside and someone had dug him up, gave him a bath and put him back into the cage. There must be some real sick people out there!”
Stupid Headlines
Some clippings of stupid headlines in newspapers…
Some other funny headlines…
1. Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
2. Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
3. Something Went Wrong in Plane Crash, Expert Says
4. Eye Drops off Shelf
5. Reagan Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead
6. Stolen Painting Found by Tree
7. Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
8. Some Pieces of Rock Hudson Sold at Auction
9. Sex Education Delayed, Teachers Request Training
10. Include your Children when Baking Cookies
Wienerschnitzel Wiener
This girl wants one in this commercial
David can sell
A young man named David from Ohio moves to Florida and goes to a big “everything under one roof” department store looking for employment.
The Manager says, “Do you have any sales experience?” David says “Yeah. I was a salesman back in Ohio.”
Well, the boss liked David and gave him the job. “You start tomorrow. I’ll come down after we close and see how you did.”
His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down. “How many customers bought something from you today?”
David says “One”.
The boss says “Just One? Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a day. How much was the sale for?”
David says “$121,455.20?.
The boss says “$121,455.20? What the heck did you sell?”
David says, “First, I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold hi m a medium fishhook. Then I sold him a larger fishhook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn’t think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4×4 Expedition.”
The boss said, “A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a BOAT and a TRUCK?”
David said “No, the guy came in here to buy Tampons for his wife, and I said, ‘Dude, your weekend is shot, you should go fishing.’ “