Random funny crap & BRAINS!
Almost silently, so as not to scare the people with the delicious brains, Zombie Mike says: “I thinkz I’m gonna divorce my wife, shez hasn’t spoken to me in over 2 months.”
Zombie Bob continues slowly sipping his vodka & blood drink then thoughtfully says:
“You better think it over, Mike. Wives like that, hard to find.”
Jack Johnson says to his wife, “what would you do if I won Lotto?”
She says, “I’d take half, then leave you.”
“Excellent,” he replies, “I won 12 bucks, here’s $6 – now Fuck off!
Wilford Blowitz, just turned 90 years old, he goes to the doctor and says:
Hey Doc Edelmann, my 25 year old wife is pregnant , ur opinion doctor?
Doc Edelmann says: Wilford, let me tell u a story…
A hunter in a hurry, grabs an umbrella instead of gun.
He moves into the jungle, sees a lion, lifts the umbrella, pulls the handle & BANG..
the lion drops dead.!
Wilford says: That’s impossible, someone else must have shot the lion.
Doc Edelmann: EXACTLY
Ray Gomez came home from work one day to find his wife Diana on the front porch with her bags packed.
‘Just where the heck do you think you’re going!’, said Ray.
‘I’m going to Las Vegas’, said Diana, ‘I just found out I can get $400 a night for what I give you for free!
‘Ray said, ‘Wait a minute!’, and then ran inside the house only to come back a few minutes later with his suitcases in hand.
‘Where the heck are you going?’, said Diana.
Ray said, ‘I want to see how you’re gonna live on $800 a year!’
A blonde went in the library and walked up to the front desk where the librarian Mrs. Helen Daugherty was sitting.
The Blonde said, “I would like a hamburger.”
Mrs. Daugherty replied,”Shhh! This is a library!”
The blonde blushed. “oh, sorry..”
Then she whispered, “I would like a hamburger.”