What did the sperm say?
What did the sperm say to the other sperm?
Sperm 1 = How much longer until we get to the egg?
Sperm 2 = Dude we haven’t even got out of the throat yet, it’s going to be a while.
Category: Jokez
Kent gets surgery
Kent Tucker can’t obtain an erection so he goes to the doctor. The doctor tells him the muscles at the base of his penis are broken down and there’s nothing he can do unless he’s willing to try an experimental surgery.
Kent asks what the surgery is. The doctor tells him they take the muscles from the base of a baby elephants trunk, insert them in the base of his penis, and hope for the best. Kent says that sounds pretty scary but the thought of never having sex again is even scarier so go ahead. The doctor goes ahead and performs the surgery and about 6 weeks later gives him the go ahead to “try out his new equipment”.
Kent takes his girlfriend out to dinner. While at dinner he starts feeling an incredible pressure in his pants. It gets incredibly unbearable and he figures no one can see him so he undoes his pants. No sooner does he do this than his penis pops out of his pants, rolls across the table, grabs a dinner roll, and disappears back into his pants.
His girlfriend sits in shock for a few moments, then gets a sly look on her face. She says “That was pretty cool! Can you do that again?” With his eyes watering and a painful expression on his face, he says “Probably, but I don’t know if I can fit another dinner roll up my ass!”.
Expensive Bracelet
At a jewelry store, Adam bought an expensive bracelet as a present for his girlfriend Rachel. “Don’t you want her name engraved upon it?” asked the jeweler. Adam thought for a moment, and then, ever the pragmatic, steadfastly replied,
“No, just engrave it: To My One And Only Love. That way, if we break up and she throws it back to me in anger, I can use it again.”
Dear Mom
Blair was passing by her daughter’s bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then she saw an envelope propped up prominently on the center of the bed. It was addressed, “Mother” With the worst premonition, she opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:
Dear Mom: It is with great regret and sorrow that I’m writing you. I had to elope with my new boyfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Dad and you. I’ve been finding real passion with Kevin and he is so nice-even with all his piercings, tattoos, beard, and his motorcycle clothes. But it’s not only the passion Mom, I’m pregnant and Kevin said that we will be very happy. He already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. He wants to have many more children with me and that’s now one of my dreams too. Kevin taught me that marijuana doesn’t really hurt anyone and we’ll be growing it for us and trading it with his friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we’ll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Kevin can get better; he sure deserves it!! Don’t worry Mom, I’m 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I’m sure we’ll be back to visit so you can get to know your grand children.
Your daughter, Tracy
PS: Mom, none of the above is true. I’m over at the neighbor’s house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card that’s in my desk center drawer. I love you! Call when it is safe for me to come home.
Julie is donating
Julie is waiting at the hospital donation center and there is a man also waiting there.
Man: “What are you doing here today?”
Julie: “Oh, I’m here to donate some blood. They’re going to give me $5 for it.”
Man: “Hmm, that’s interesting. I’m here to donate sperm, myself. But they pay me $25.”
Julie looked thoughtful for a moment and they chatted some more before going their separate ways.
A few months later, the same man and Julie meet again in the donation center.
Man: “Oh, hi there! Here to donate blood again?”
Julie: [shaking her head with mouth closed] “Unh unh.”