Category: Jokez

Plane Talk


Adam Zombie was seated next to Peewee Zombie on the plane ready to go to New York where they are more Brains than in their little town.

Adam Zombie turned to Peewee Zombie and said, “Let’s talk. I’ve heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.”

Peewee Zombie, who had just opened his book, closed it slowly, and said to Adam Zombie, “What would you like to discuss?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” said Adam Zombie. “How about BRAINs?”

“No, that’ll just make me more hungry” said Peewee Zombie

“Ok, then” said Adam Zombie. “How about nuclear power?”

“OK,” said Peewee Zombie. “That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. “A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass. The same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?”

“Jeez,” said Adam Zombie. “I have no idea.”

“Well, then,” said Peewee Zombie, “How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don’t know shit?”

Husband & Wife


Wife : “I was dreaming that they were auctioning off dicks. The big ones went for $50 and the thick ones went for $100.”

Husband : “How about the ones like mine?”

Wife : “Those they gave away free.”

Husband : “I had a dream too…I dreamt they were auctioning off cunts. The pretty ones went for a $500, and the little tight ones went for $1000.”

Wife : “And how much for the ones like mine?”

Husband : “That’s where they held the auction.”

No Scuba Gear


Billy Leblanc is deep-sea diving and is twenty feet below sea level when he sees another guy with no scuba gear.

He goes down another thirty feet, and the guy with no equipment stays with him.

Billy takes out a waterproof chalkboard and writes, “How the hell can you stay down this deep without equipment?”

The guy takes the chalkboard and writes, “You asshole, I’m drowning.”

Chuck kills a deer


Chuck is a hunter who kills a deer and brings it home. He decides to clean and serve the venison for supper. He knows his kids are fussy eaters, and won’t eat it if they know what it is – so he does not tell them. His little boy keeps asking him, “What’s for supper?”

“You’ll see”, says Chuck. They start eating supper and his daughter keeps asking what they’re eating. “Ok,” says her dad, “here’s a hint, its what your mother sometimes calls me.”

“We’re eating asshole!!”, she screams.

Terribly Drunk


Jack Zombie was in a bar, terribly drunk, barely functioning. The bartender noticed this, and when he asked for another beer, the bartender politely told him that he was too drunk to be served another drink.

So, Jack Zombie leaves. He walks in the side door and asks the bartender for a beer. A little frustrated, the bartender repeats the answer he said before.

Jack Zombie leaves. He then comes in the other side door, walks to the bartender and asks for a beer.

The bartender is annoyed, and tells Jack Zombie he is too drunk and to get a ride home and leave his bar.

He leaves. He then comes in the BACK door, comes the the bartender, and before he can say a word, the bartender explodes at him. “I told you already, you are way to drunk, you can not have another beer! Get out of my bar!” Disgruntled, Jack Zombie looks at the bartender and asks, “Man, how many bars do you work at?”