Category: Jokez

The Robot Bartender


Bill Dalberg goes into a bar and there is a robot bartender. The robot says,”What will you have?” Bill says “Martini.” The robot brings back the best martini ever and says to Bill, “What’s your IQ?” Bill says, “168.” The robot then proceeds to talk about physics, space exploration and medical technology.

Bill leaves, but he is curious, so he goes back into the bar. The robot bartender says, “What will you have?” Bill says, “Martini”. Again, the robot makes a great martini, gives it to him and says, “What’s your IQ?” Bill says, “100.” The robot then starts to talk about Nascar, Budweiser and John Deere tractors.

Bill leaves, but finds it very interesting, so he thinks he will try it one more time. He goes back into the bar. The robot says, “What will you have?” Bill says, “Martini”, and the robot brings him another great martini. The robot then says, “What’s your IQ?” Bill says, “Uh, about 50.”

The robot leans in real close and says, “So… you gonna cheer for the Dallas Cowboys again this year?”

Grizzly Bear


A Grizzly Bear is chasing a JackRabbit through a forest.

They find a bottle and decide to rub it. A genie pops out. He says, “I will grant each of you three wishes.”

The Grizzly Bear says, “I wish all the bears in the forest were females.” *poof* It’s done.

The JackRabbit says, “I wish for a motorcycle.” *poof* It’s done.

The Grizzly Bear says, “I wish all the bears in this country were females.” *poof* It’s done.

The JackRabbit says, “I wish for a lifetime supply of carrots back at my house.” *poof* It’s done.

The Grizzly Bear is thinking to himself. “Why is the JackRabbit wasting his wishes on stupid small things? oh well.” “And for my third wish, I wish that all the bears in the world were female.” *poof* It’s done.

The JackRabbit says, “For MY last wish, I want the Grizzly Bear to be gay.” And he rides off on his motorcycle.

Dan walks into a bar


Dan Fischer walks into a bar and orders a bunch of shots. The bartender says “You celebrating something?”

Dan says “My first blowjob.” The bartender replied “Good for you!”

When Dan was done, the bartender says “That must have been some blow job. You need anything else?”

Dan said “No if 12 shots of whiskey doesn’t get the taste out of my mouth, nothing will.”

Bill & Jane 25th anniversary


Bill Keenan and his Jane go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, Jane asked Bill, “When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?”

Bill replied, “All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your tits dry.”

Then, as Jane undressed, she asked, “What are you thinking now?”

Bill replied, “It looks as if I did a pretty good job.”

Jim first day in prison


It is Jim Sokov’s first day in prison

After spending the morning being processed, he is taken to the huge mess hall for lunch. He finds a seat at a table full of inmates who look like they have been behind bars for years. Suddenly, an inmate stands in the middle of the room and yells, “41!” As he sits down, the room erupts in laughter.

Then another prisoner stands and yells, “123!” Again, there is laughter throughout the room. Puzzled, Jim asks the inmate sitting next to him what’s going on. “Well,” the older inmate says, “Most of us have been here so long that we have heard all the jokes. So we just number them and use the number.” Jim says, “I love to tell jokes!

Give me one.” “Okay,” says the older inmate. “Everybody loves old 72. It always gets a big laugh” Jim stands up, waits for the laughter to die down from the last joke, and yells, “72!” There is nothing but silence as hundreds of inmates just turn and stare at him.

Jim sits down and looks at the inmate who gave him the number. “What happened?” he asks. The older man shrugs and says, “Some people just can’t tell a joke.”