Random funny crap & BRAINS!
Punk Zombie speeds home, slapping on his brakes in the driveway, jumps out of the car and yells to his wife.
“Baby, pack your bags, I just won the Lottery!!”
His wife jumps up and says… “what should I pack, where are we going? Italy? Spain??
Punk Zombie replies…
“I don’t give a shit where you go… just get the fuck out.”
Today, the chick who works next to me in the office came back from lunch and started shouting.
“What’s the matter?” I asked.
“Somebody left a note on my desk saying, “You’re the ugliest bitch I have ever seen!”
“Don’t look at me,” I said.
“I wasn’t implying it was you, I just-”
“No seriously, don’t look at me; you’re ugly as fuck”
Punk Zombie and wife were sitting watching a TV program about psychology and explaining the phenomenon of “mixed emotions”. Punk Zombie turns to his wife and said, “Babe, that is a bunch of crap. I bet you can’t tell me anything that will make me happy and sad at the same time”.
She said: “Out of all your Zombie friends, you have the biggest dick.”
Punk Zombie walks into a bar, walks up to the barman and says : ‘Got any BRAINZ?’, Barman says politely ‘no this is a bar we serve alcohol’.
Punk Zombie sits there patiently for a few minutes and then turns the the barman to say ‘Got any BRAINZ?’, again the barman says ‘No this is a bar’.
Punk Zombie back looking about the bar again and says to the barman ‘Got any BRAINZ?’ barman getting slightly agitated says ‘ no i don’t have any fucking BRAINZ for sale’.
Punk Zombie sits back and after a few minutes turns to the barman and says ‘Got any BRAINZ?’ – the barman now enraged says ‘if you ask me for brains one more time, i’ll tie your entire body up and throw you in front of a bus!
Punk Zombie was sad and left
Punk Zombie comes in the next day and says ‘got any rope?’
Barman says ‘no’
Punk Zombie says ‘Got any BRAINZ?’
Two Zombies are at a bar. Jack Zombie says “hey, its my wife’s birthday today.” Adam Zombie says “that sucks, what did you get her?”
Jack Zombie says “I got her a diamond ring and a Mercedes.” “A diamond ring and a Mercedes?!?” says Adam Zombie. “Yes, if she didn’t like the ring, she could take it back in her Mercedes.”
Adam Zombie goes “oh ok, well my wife’s birthday was last week.” “What did you get her?” says Jack Zombie . Adam Zombie goes “flip flops and a dildo.” “Flip flops and a dildo??” Jack Zombie says. “Yes” Adam Zombie says, “that’s so if she didn’t like the flip flops she can go fuck herself!”