Zombie Mike


Almost silently, so as not to scare the people with the delicious brains, Zombie Mike says: “I thinkz I’m gonna divorce my wife, shez hasn’t spoken to me in over 2 months.”

Zombie Bob continues slowly sipping his vodka & blood drink then thoughtfully says:

“You better think it over, Mike. Wives like that, hard to find.”

Jack Johnson


Jack Johnson says to his wife, “what would you do if I won Lotto?”

She says, “I’d take half, then leave you.”

“Excellent,” he replies, “I won 12 bucks, here’s $6 – now Fuck off!